We had parent teacher conferences tonight . . .

[Crabbie]

and I found out that my child has been hitting other children and yelling at them. I talked to her a little bit about keeping our hands to ourselves, not yelling and to go somewhere else when mad.

What else can I do to stop this?

[KIDPOWER]

Dear Crabbie,

First of all, a couple of questions. How old is your daughter? Have you seen this behavior anywhere else? What does she say about what's been happening?

What you said to your daughter is fine, but we want to understand more about why this is happening in order to help make a plan for her to be able to stop.

There are many reasons why a child might act aggressively towards other children by yelling, pushing, or hitting.

No matter what the cause, a child who is acting aggressively often needs better tools for handling upset feelings. Acting aggressively can feel very powerful, but usually makes problems bigger rather than better. We want to redefine being powerful as being in control of ourselves by using our Mouth Closed Power, Hands Down Power, Please Stop Power, Walk Away Power, and Getting Help Power.

You can give your daughter practice in using these tools by imagining situations where she has been showing aggressive behavior and acting them out with her, coaching her to be assertive rather than either passive or aggressive.

Hope this helps,
Irene from Kidpower

[Crabbie]

She is 5, she said that she hit the other girl because she was bugging another student. The girl she hit is to my understanding a friend one day and not a friend another day. I have not seen this behavior before but she has been asking questions about what would happen if she slapped me or if she slapped someone else.

[KIDPOWER]

Good Morning,

It sounds as if your daughter is experimenting with her personal power. This is normal for a five-year-old. What she needs is guidance in how to use her personal power in positive ways rather than negative ones. In addition to understanding that hitting and slapping is wrong, even if you don't like what the other person is doing, your daughter needs to develop tools for handling her feelings and using her power in positive ways. We have found that practicing what to do works far better than just being told. You can tell your daughter to imagine that the other girl is bugging another student - you might use toys as props for this - and then act out different solutions that do not involve hitting.

You can also discuss what kinds of behavior makes someone a good friend and not a good friend - and how to communicate this to the person and how to leave is that doesn't work.

Hope this helps,
Irene from Kidpower