KIDPOWER
11-28-2008, 11:36 AM
Dear UofMom Members,
Happy Thanksgiving!
To me, the meaning of Thanksgiving is to celebrate time together with family and friends and to reflect on all the good things in our lives. No, our world isn’t perfect – but, as we say in Kidpower, “You don’t have to be perfect to be great!”
I am hoping that you are all enjoying your families.
A reminder of how Kidpower skills can help prevent problems and build stronger relationships in families arrived in our safety@kidpower.org e-mail box earlier this week, when a worried mother wrote, “I have been having a disagreement with my in-laws and need to figure out if I am way off base. My almost 5 year old has never been affectionate, even as a baby, and is VERY shy. However, recently they have decided it is ‘rude’ for him not to hug & kiss them before leaving. In addition, his grandmother scolded him for not saying thank you to a woman he had never met before. I realize both these are basic social skills but I think it is wrong on both counts. I think forcing affection is wrong, period, and don’t we teach our kids NOT to talk to strangers?”
I am hoping that our reply helped to bring her peace of mind and some guidance on how to discuss her concerns with her in-laws, “You can tell your in-laws that young children are very literal and it is not safe for your son to be forced to act affectionately. Five is not very old and there will be plenty of time to teach your son how to be ‘polite’ in different situations. Developmentally, he needs to learn how to set boundaries in clear respectful ways before learning how to be ‘polite.’
"In Kidpower, we teach that, for everyone , touch or games for play, teasing, or affection should be the choice of each person, safe, and allowed by the adults in charge. Without scolding, you can teach your son to greet people he knows by waving or shaking hands, without hugging or kissing unless he wants to.
"In terms of your other question, we teach younger children to check first with their grown-ups before talking with strangers, which means that your son should wait until his grandmother or another adult gently encourages him, without scolding, to say, ‘Thank you’ to a stranger when it’s appropriate. Here’s an article on Holiday Boundaries that might be helpful: http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/holiday-boundaries.html ...”
We will also be sending her some information on issues specific to very shy children.
I'd really appreciate any ideas or experiences you might want to share.
Best wishes,
Irene
Happy Thanksgiving!
To me, the meaning of Thanksgiving is to celebrate time together with family and friends and to reflect on all the good things in our lives. No, our world isn’t perfect – but, as we say in Kidpower, “You don’t have to be perfect to be great!”
I am hoping that you are all enjoying your families.
A reminder of how Kidpower skills can help prevent problems and build stronger relationships in families arrived in our safety@kidpower.org e-mail box earlier this week, when a worried mother wrote, “I have been having a disagreement with my in-laws and need to figure out if I am way off base. My almost 5 year old has never been affectionate, even as a baby, and is VERY shy. However, recently they have decided it is ‘rude’ for him not to hug & kiss them before leaving. In addition, his grandmother scolded him for not saying thank you to a woman he had never met before. I realize both these are basic social skills but I think it is wrong on both counts. I think forcing affection is wrong, period, and don’t we teach our kids NOT to talk to strangers?”
I am hoping that our reply helped to bring her peace of mind and some guidance on how to discuss her concerns with her in-laws, “You can tell your in-laws that young children are very literal and it is not safe for your son to be forced to act affectionately. Five is not very old and there will be plenty of time to teach your son how to be ‘polite’ in different situations. Developmentally, he needs to learn how to set boundaries in clear respectful ways before learning how to be ‘polite.’
"In Kidpower, we teach that, for everyone , touch or games for play, teasing, or affection should be the choice of each person, safe, and allowed by the adults in charge. Without scolding, you can teach your son to greet people he knows by waving or shaking hands, without hugging or kissing unless he wants to.
"In terms of your other question, we teach younger children to check first with their grown-ups before talking with strangers, which means that your son should wait until his grandmother or another adult gently encourages him, without scolding, to say, ‘Thank you’ to a stranger when it’s appropriate. Here’s an article on Holiday Boundaries that might be helpful: http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/holiday-boundaries.html ...”
We will also be sending her some information on issues specific to very shy children.
I'd really appreciate any ideas or experiences you might want to share.
Best wishes,
Irene