Strangers and kids....

[Lady LaRue]

What do you do when you have discussions with kids about stranger danger and it doesn't seem to sink in? Let me clarify - my 8 year old KNOWS there is danger, he knows what can happen. But for some reason he thinks he's invincible.

I asked him "What if someone pulls up in a car and says to you 'hey kid, I found a soccer ball in the street, i wonder if it's yours, it's in my back seat, let me show you', what do you do?"

Ryan said "I'm gonna go see". When I told him "no, that's the wrong thing to do" and I explained what could happen. He says "I can run way faster than anyone else," OR "If he tries to grab me, I'll punch him in the nose and then I'll kick him in the crotch!". :faint:

While I'm pleased to learn he may put up a fight, I certainly don't want him to think he CAN defend himself against an adult. He's at that age where he thinks I'm really stupid (you know - the ages of 8 and 18?). :rolleyes:

[Melandco]

I have the same issues with my son...he's only 6 and thinks he's ten feet tall and bulletproof. :faint: I'll be following this one closely.

[carolacrunch]

B&T are the same way. We have considered having one of the football players that the kids don't know demonstrate that no, they may not necessarily be able to fight off an adult, but I don't want to traumatize them.

[Madame Plumpy]

This is a very good question, Chesty. I'm anxious to hear the suggestions.

I'd also like to ask how to instill the tools that our children need without worrying them to pieces? My oldest is very, very sensitive and gets scared easily. It's so hard to find a fine line between teaching him what he needs to know and not keep him up all night afraid of every bump, or him making sure we've locked all of the doors.

This a great to be able to come here and ask all of these questions!

[KIDPOWER]

First of all, at KIDPOWER, we believe that it does not serve children to believe that the world is full of people who are dangerous because they don't know them. This is why we teach Stranger Safety and Stranger Awareness instead of Stranger Danger. We believe that most people are good and that this means that most strangers are good. But, just as with animals you don't know, when you don't know someone, you don't need to be afraid, but your safety plan is to CHECK FIRST with your adults.

It is very normal for some children to engage in magical thinking because this feels better to them than being worried. It would be emotionally unsafe for adults to try to prove to these children that they couldn't get away - and a lot of the time a child can get away - but you don't ever want them to be in the position of having to. Other children get anxious.

Successfully practicing skills reduces anxiety and increases competence. Practice also helps prepare children to act wisely in real life.

Instead of trying to persuade children to agree with you, tell them what your safety rules are and tell them that you expect these rules to be followed. Tell them that they have to show you that they are capable of following these rules in order to have permission to be anywhere without you - even outside the house.

Pretend that you are a stranger offering a soccer ball or whatever possession is important to your son and coach him to practice Using Mouth Closed Power (not talking), Standing up, Moving Away, and Checking First. Review until your son shows you he can just move away quickly from even his most favorite toy or pet.

Many families enjoy reading our Comic Book
http://www.kidpower.org/store/index.html#Anchor-47857

And there is a whole chapter on Stranger Safety in our KIDPOWER Book for Caring Adults.
http://www.kidpower.org/RESOURCES/KP-Book.html

[Lady LaRue]

Thank you! :clap: I do need to practice the thing with the toy. He is very possessive of his "stuff" so I worry that he might fall for something like this trap. :cry:

Despite our many discussions and practice scenarios with my older son, he never got it. He was like 12 or 13 and he would STILL open the door to salesmen and people he didn't know. :cry:

thanks for your advice! :)

[Melandco]

Very interesting, this is some advice that could actually work with my child! Thank you!!