While I'm awake with insomnia, I have a moving question

[*PL*]

we bought a house a year ago, with plans to renovate. Our dd cried when we told her we bought it. The renovation plans took a L O N G time to come together, building officials, etc. - and we've kept our daughter (she is 10 btw) in the loop on helping us design her new bedroom, etc. She has hated the way the bedrooms are smaller, its not the house she was a baby in, she basically hates change of any kind. Like when we painted her bedroom at age 7, she was excited with the new colour, yet mourned the loss of her green walls.

Well recently we decided to just move in NOW and wait another year or 2 before we build the 2nd story addition.

I've had the place painted, etc. and recently we took our dd with us to see it. We told her we were going to move in the way it is before we renovate. She's holding up a tough front, but I do know she has anixety over moving.

Its only 2 min. from our other house, she does NOT change schools, etc. But she *loves* this house -and does not want to move.

What can I do now to help get her ready to move in a month's time, and not be so unhappy about it?

[KIDPOWER]

Change is often difficult for many people, not just children. It sounds as if your daughter is associating all the happy memories she has with her old paint, her old house, etc. The wonderful news is that she HAS happy memories, which is why she is sad about leaving. As stressful as it is, this is an outstanding learning opportunity for your daughter about dealing with overwhelm and change.

Keep letting your daughter know that you are sorry she is sad and that you understand that this is hard for her. However, this move is not her choice and you would like to find ways to help her make the best of it. Just listen actively and reflect respectfully what she is saying, "I hear you saying that you hate this move and love our old house and think we are making a big mistake" when your daughter gets upset without taking it personally or trying to persuade her to feel differently.

From what you are saying, your daughter might be a highly sensitive child, which has terrific qualities but also makes it easy to become overwhelmed. I highly recommend a book called The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aaron, because it makes sense of what might seem to be illogical behavior and gives you tools for helping a child learn to manage being highly sensitive rather than being overwhelmed by it. The fact that you are up in the middle of the night worrying about things suggests that you might be a highly sensitive person yourself (NOT too sensitive, just highly sensitive) and you might also find it useful to read The Highly Sensitive Person.

[*PL*]

well my dd is a total mini me version of myself - so I would not be surprised if I were a highly sensitive person ;)

she IS a very sensitive child. I am glad to see that it could stem from happy memories and she has happy memories! That is a good problem. Thank you for the book suggestions and the methods to use this is great to have you as a resource!!!

I'm going to check out amazon for those books. Read up on them.

[raw]

Can you give your daughter a sense of control? We faced this with our sons when we moved a couple of years ago, and what really seemed to help was taking them to the paint store and letting them pick the color of their rooms. A simple thing (we now have one red and one green room- I did draw the line at my older son's request that we have his room painted RAINBOW STRIPES!!!)

We let them pick out some other decorations, and let them decide what they wanted to hang on the walls.

[Graceysmum]

IA with Raw. :)

Give her a 'job' to do with the new house. She'll be so excited to get to pick out stuff, etc. that she'll decide it's a good thing.

[*PL*]

she's excited about their little hideaway we have planned. I told her she could paint the walls with their scribble, etc. And she's happy with that.

I looked up those books Irene, and that totally labels me :paranoid: I ordered both of them :clap:

[KIDPOWER]

To tell the truth, being a Highly Sensitive Person names me as well. It's such a useful concept - not that one is TOO SENSITIVE, but simply that one is HIGHLY SENSITIVE.

There's a lot on their website about this at:
http://www.hsperson.com/

[Busty Vixen]

My son is very sensitive.

In fact, my nephew is a rough and tumble boy and I'm still stung by a comment my step-mom made last summer about how my son should be more like my nephew. :rant: