New York Times Article

[Hoppy]

This is really sad.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/24/us/24land.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&sq=bullies&st=nyt&scp=1&adxnnlx=1206815666-/K6GSx6XPFWsuGo2rqqMQg

[cara7166]

That is sad, Hoppy.

I am very interested to see Irene's comments on this...are the parents doing the right thing? Is there anything more they could be doing? I mean, they seem to be addressing it full force with the school system, the police, and the court system...but it keeps happening. What could a parent do in this situation?

[Busty Vixen]

She wonders why Billy is the only one getting beaten up, and why school officials are so reluctant to punish bullies and report assaults to the police. This is what I don't understand.

I'm glad the bullies' right to privacy is more important than Billy's right to feel safe and be safe at school. Good to know Fayetteville School System! :fingershoot:

[cara7166]

"bullies' right to privacy is more important than Billy's right to feel safe and be safe at school"

That is certainly what we have found here as well, with my daughter's situation for the past 2 years.

[KIDPOWER]

What a sad story! My heart aches for all the children and youth who have to go through this kind of torment!

Billy's parents are doing everything EXCEPT finding other choices for how he gets his education. I would NOT leave my own child in a situation where the school authorities have lost so much of their control and where they are blaming my child. Schools need written policies that all their staff understand and uphold. Here are our recommendations for School Violence Prevention Policies.
http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/school-policies.html

Sometimes taking legal action is the only way to get systems to change and to get this kind of behavior to stop, but this takes time. In the meantime, it is our job as parents to ensure that our children are be emotionally and physically safe.

Here's an article from our website called Bullying in Schools - Seven Solutions for Parents.
http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/bullying-solutions-parents.html

[Geminimomma]

My son has a form of autism and was bullied from Kindergarten on until I saw with my own eyes the little jerk who was bullying him do something to him right IN FRONT OF MY CAR!. The principal didn't want to do anything. I couldn't figure out why. Come to find out that the kid's father is a lawyer here in the community. That didn't stop me though. Ohhhh no! I went to the State. The principal got reprimanded for an altercation on the phone with me and the few choice words he had to say about my family. Needless to say it hasn't happened anymore but, the principal does not like me and rightfull so. Because he knows I have my hands on his jobs and all it will take is a few more phone calls and he will be done in the county. ;) Crap like this doesn't bode to well with me. I watched my nephew go through the same crap when he was in the same school (he has Asperger's) and my SIL homeschools now and I can't say I blame her. It's starting to look like that is the only way to keep our children safe and able to learn without fearing for their lives while little brats who bully get away with everything because of who mommy and daddy are or because, there are some lazy personnel in the school district.

[Geminimomma]

and..........I am so sorry if I seem rather calloused in the above post but, after seeing and reading this it brings back some memories and well..............let's just say my heart is pounding with venom right now.

[KIDPOWER]

I don't blame you for being furious. Even though they are now adults, I can get ENRAGED by any threat to my own children. I can remember things that happened over 20 years ago and still feel that burst of adrenaline.

In my experience, most educators and administrators in schools care deeply about the well-being of their students. The problem is that sometimes people are overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with conflict well - so they go into avoidance instead of taking charge. They might minimize the problem, blame the victim, not know whom to believe, or be paralyzed because they don't know what to do.

Parents, teachers, schoolyard and bus supervisors, and school administrators all need to make a decision that their school must be a community of caring, respect, and safety for all - and then look at what gets in the way of that - and then make a plan to address what gets in the way including building empathy for those who are different and understanding of the harm bullying does - and then give everyone responsible for supervising the children skills in how to intervene in peer aggression immediately or, preferably pre-emptively - and the children skills in conflict resolution, avoidance, boundary-setting, and getting help. There need to be clear consequences that are consistently enforced. I believe that the more appropriate consequence for doing something UNSAFELY is to have to show - not just talk - but actually act out handling this interaction SAFELY.

Also, a great deal more understanding and awareness needs to be developed among adults about how to support children with special needs - and empathy for those who are different needs to be a key part of our educational system. In KIDPOWER, we have many children (and adults too) with autism or Asperger's in our workshops, as well as with other special needs, because of bullying problems but also just to help them to develop their People Safety skills.

[Busty Vixen]

You know, Irene, it occurred to me: Most children spend more of their waking hours at school than at home. If Billy were being treated this way at home-emotionally and physically abused- the school administrators would be required by law to report his abusers to the state.

Ironic isn't it? :disgust:

[Hoppy]

That is a GREAT point, Busty.

[3babesandadad]

"Ms. Wolfe remembers the family dentist sewing up the inside of Billy’s cheek, and a school official refusing to call the police, saying it looked like Billy got what he deserved. Most of all, she remembers the sight of her son."

I would have punched the crap out of the person who said that- and then told them they deserved it.

[KIDPOWER]

Feelings like this are understandable. It is frustrating and enraging to hear stories about people being so terribly unkind to a child.

The problem is that when we meet violence and abuse with violence and abuse, we do not help our children or make the world they will need to live in a better place. When we make jokes about hurting someone to get revenge, we are modeling for children that we think that violence is funny.

Instead, as adults, we want to model for children being powerful respectful leaders in taking charge of their safety and well-being.

Parents can call the police themselves. They can document the name and prejudiced destructive statement of the school official and report this to the school board, child protective services, and the press.

Parents can also ask the dentist to document the damage done and, as these parents in the NY Times story are doing, explore their legal options.

They can get support and counseling for their child and themselves and explore options about different ways to get an education. Some school districts in some states have had to pay for counseling and for private schools to repair damage done by bullying.

[cara7166]

Irene, will Child Protective Services do anything about this? I did not know that was an available avenue to take in this type of circumstance.

[KIDPOWER]

It will depend on how someone interprets the law, the resources of the particular department, if there is someone in that department who wants to be helpful, and the rules of that state. Usually, people in Child Protective Services will say that bullying is the responsibility of the school and that they can't do anything. However,reporting someone for being harmful to a child can be a powerful way to get attention - you want to tell the world that this is happening including the police, the school board, the press, and child protective services. A school official saying a child deserves to be injured is perpetuating abuse against that child and abusing children is against the law.