Worried Grandma Management

[KIDPOWER]

A recent post from Miz mentioned that her mother was worrying that allowing Miz's daughters to pretend to be dogs was going to be harmful to them. This situation brought up for me the interesting question of how to manage unsolicited advice, worrying, and other negative behavior from grandmothers and other adult family members in as positive a way as possible.

Many people believe that worrying and giving advice and telling you what they think that you are doing wrong means that they are being caring and loving. The problem is that anxiety and negative comments usually leave the recipient feeling anxious, confused, and/or seriously annoyed.

I am wondering if this is an issue for any of you and what your experiences have been.

[Busty Vixen]

Oy. :dope: Actual things I've said to various family members:

"I prefer that my children be in a car seat and not 'thrown clear' of the vehicle during an accident. However dangerous the car seat may be."

"Froot Loops are not an actual fruit. See? They don't even spell 'fruit' correctly on the box."

"I realize that all four of us kids turned out just fine even though you smoked with us in the car. Although, really- experts may disagree with your definition of 'just fine'. So please wait until my kids are out of the car to light up."

"No, she won't get 'Salt Diabetes' if I don't put salt on her baby food."

"You catch a cold from a virus, not from cold weather. And I don't think 98* is cold weather. So let's leave the wool blanket off the baby. And the cotton blanket. And the sweater. And the hat."

"A Pop-Tart is only 'part of' a healthy breakfast if you eat a healthy breakfast, and then the Pop-Tart."

"No offense, Aunt Ruth, but all five of your children are currently incarcerated, so forgive me if I don't jump up and start writing down your parenting advice. Especially the part where I've spoiled my 6 month old by picking him up when he cries and need to spank him so he'll stop."

"While I'm sure the medical training you've received at Bonita's Cut'n'Curl & Tanning Parlor is rigorous, I'm going to follow the advice I got from my Pediatrician who graduated from Emory University. Wish me luck!"


I'm known in my family as the one who does a lot of research before making any decision. My parents don't give me a hard time any more- but in the beginning they did. I was the first of us four children to have kids. The younger sibs were actually directed to me by my parents when they had parenting questions, which really validated me.

I think I had to communicate to them that I was parenting differently based on new information available to me that they didn't have access to. That by saying that my way was, "Right for ME and MY KIDS," I was not saying that their way was WRONG or that they were BAD PARENTS. Once we got past that, they have been nothing but supportive of all of my decisions.

[MIZ]

My mom is usually pretty good about keeping comments to herself. I don't know why she is so passionate about this role-playing issue; my kids have been doing OTHER role-playing for years now, I guess it's just the doggie thing.:dunno:

My children both have mild special needs, and I know my brother asked my sister if I had "munchausen's" about my older daughter's SN since she is so borderline. I got a kick out of that.:lol:

One of the biggest issues I had was about breastfeeding; my sister gave me a really hard time about it, especially with my second daughter. I was very stressed and emotional and she kept telling me it was all because I was BFing and life would be SO MUCH EASIER if I just weaned her. I told her that in the scheme of things it was just a few more months (my goal was 12 months and DD2 was about 8 mos old at the time), and that she should really MYOB. She backed off then, and it was a short-lived disagreement.

[TNVols]

Our biggest thing has been about breastfeeding and potty training. "How long are you going to breastfeed"? "That boy really needs to be potty trained, both you and he will feel a lot better". Aren't you tired of changing two children's diapers..etc, etc.

Funny thing is my children or I haven't complained at all so I am not sure how we could feel better. But kind of like Busty said, these are the same people that give him junk food against my wishes because "well I am their grandmother and I can".

My mom and I are super close though so I can and have told her that it was time to back off and that it wasn't up for discussion anymore.

[*PL*]

its a common thing when you are pregnant and when the babies are small I find. People constantly throw out unsolicited advice.

And even with my 10 yr old - I'll get "shouldn't she blah blah blah" about either a bedtime, her playing hockey on a boys team - anything for people to spout off their opinions.

[Bobsy The Onion Queen]

I think a lot of time it really has to do with the fact that parents and your grandparents still have it in their mind that YOU are still just the kid they watched grow up. But still a kid. In the back of their minds they know you're an adult, but their hearts are SCREAMING that you're still THEIR baby.

[Busty Vixen]

Very good point Bobsy. They're used to telling us what to do and how to do it. :ita:

"Hey Aunt Velma? You're not the boss of me anymore!" :irule:

[3babesandadad]

I get a lot of slack about my 3 year old son not potty training yet from family members and church members and friends.
I just tell them that "he doesn't even talk yet, one step at a time"


of course- then I get a bunch of crap about him not talking yet too- I must be doing SOMEthing wrong :shrug: