Does it ever stop?

[Hoppy]

So, yesterday, I was dropping my daughter off at preschool and two acquaintance/friends of mine and I were chatting as we were walking out to our cars. Suddenly, I realized I was walking a bit faster than them, or rather they had slowed down and I hear them talking about "the party", etc. I realize that they are talking about a dinner party for another mutual friend. Clearly, I wasn't invited and I have gone out with all of these women before. Of course, I immediately start feeling badly about myself. This particular group of women are all very skinny, pretty and stylish. I always feel like a big frump around them. I started thinking that I haven't moved past that feeling of wanting to be part of the "popular" girls group. I have a great group of friends and don't really care, in theory, to go out with them at all. But, for that split second, I thought to myself, "Why don't they want ME to come?" :hiding:

[Melandco]

:hug:I love you Hoppy and I have the same sort of issues myself so you're not alone. It's sad that we're at an age where we shouldn't let others make us feel inferior or inadequate and sadly we still do. :cry: Come and frump it with me girlfriend. :kiss:

[Jinxie]

Sorry you felt like poo, but I am glad I am not the only one who gets like that.

I'm the type who feels left out when other mothers are chatting & laughing when I go to school functions, yet when they are talking to me I just wish I was alone...I have issues :shrug:

[Bobsy The Onion Queen]

:love:

Honey, it's not YOU, it's THEM. I promise. They just haven't grown up yet.

:hug2:

[Bastian]

I don't think that feeling ever goes away. No matter who we are. I still second guess myself, my popularity and every little thing about myself but yet I'm so happy with my life. I wonder why I worry and why I can't let it go.... I'm sorry you weren't invited. If we were closer and I could cook a decent meal, i'd surely have you over!

[Hoppy]

Thanks, guys. The weird thing is I really don't care that I wasn't invited. It was just that split second thought of "what is wrong with me".

[Bobsy The Onion Queen]

I understand. I get that feeling too.

Okay so I'm going to share a little ...

Even with my friends...I secretly think that when they are together with out me, they talk about me. I mean, they probably do. Just typing this makes me think, "I bet when Busty and Charliechan see eachother they're going to talk about what a loser I am"

So, no, the feeling dosen't stop. :hug2:

Dang, I just went from being supportive to woe is me...crap.

[charliechan]

It's something that all us girls have in us... I hate when I hear from friends of mine that they went and did something without me... :mope: But then I realize I probably wouldn't have had much fun anyways. :shrug: Stupid girly feelings... :disgust:

:hug2: You could ocme hang with me anytime!!!

[charliechan]

I understand. I get that feeling too.

Okay so I'm going to share a little ...

Even with my friends...I secretly think that when they are together with out me, they talk about me. I mean, they probably do. Just typing this makes me think, "I bet when Busty and Charliechan see eachother they're going to talk about what a loser I am"

So, no, the feeling dosen't stop. :hug2:

Dang, I just went from being supportive to woe is me...crap.

Of course we talk about you... :gossip: and it's all bad... :snicker:

:squish:

[*PL*]

I get that "lurch" feeling too sometimes Hoppy.

[Happybutt]

I get that sometimes. It doesn't bother me but that split second. It makes me wonder if they wanted you to hear them and feel bad ya know.

[Bastian]

:grouphug:I get that sometimes. It doesn't bother me but that split second. It makes me wonder if they wanted you to hear them and feel bad ya know.

Exactly! I think women can be catty enough to do that on purpose just to see if they get a reaction out of you.

[Graceysmum]

I get that feeling too. And then I check myslef and think of scenarios in which maybe I have inadvertently done the same thing. For example - at church one night, one of the "prissy" moms in our group was talking very quietly with another about "the ski trip"...and it made me feel terrible that a group of people were going on a ski trip together (like 1/3 of our little group) and they didn't invite us to go too.

Then I realized that one of my really good friends and I serve on committee together, have kids the same age, etc...and we often find ourselves talking quietly in a corner about something or another that we are supposed to do together (fun or not) and then stop ourselves when someone comes up to talk to us. Have we made people feel like that too?? :ita: Probably so. And it's not intentional nor is it a big secret thing. And yet we do it...

Follow up to the ski trip - we learned a couple weeks later that only 2 couples were actually going together (the 2 who are truly besties) and the other couples owned cabins up there and were going the same weekend. Purely coincidental....and one of those other couples actually mentioned getting a big group together next time and going. :)

So my own insecurity is my worst enemy in cases like this. I have to step back and know that it's not about me. But that is a hard thing for women to do. :ita:

[3babesandadad]

:ita:

I like to consider myself "comic relief" cause I've ALWAYS been the 'chubby' 'goofy' 'crazy' 'off the wall' person in any group. And the other girls would always do a lot of stuff without me. And they only kept me around for something to laugh at.
So I moved to Montana and never leave the house :lol: :paranoid:

[KIDPOWER]

It's hard. If someone says one good thing to you and one bad thing, what are you most likely to remember? Most people will say, "The bad thing!"

We can talk ourselves out of it, but it takes work. One solution is to practice. For example, ask a friend to say something like,, "Those women don't invite you to things so that means that you are not worth inviting." Put your hands in front of your body with your palms out and say in a strong voice, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

Reminders can help. I used to carry as saying in my calendar, "I will not allow my good feelings about myself to be taken away by what others say or do."

Good luck Hoppy and everyone!