Hoppy
05-02-2008, 09:14 AM
From www.screamfree.com
Quote of the Day: "Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince, 1943
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: Last night, when Brandon wanted to go to sleep in our room, I plainly told him, "No. That's not what big boys do." He looked right at me and said, "Dad, that just sounds like you’re trying to embarrass me, and it doesn’t make me feel good.” Ouch. He was exactly right. I thought that my reasoning would help him feel more confident when in reality it made him feel less so. All he really wanted was someone to listen to his fears.
Whenever we think of our kids as creatures to be tamed and trained, we slip into technique-mode. We try to use whatever manipulation we can think of to get them to do…whatever. But then we miss out on the truest joy, and truest purpose of parenting. It’s when we approach our kids as separate human beings—capable of decisions, thoughts, and yes, instructions—that we get to experience a true relationship with them. And that means, sometimes, we get to learn from them. Let your kids teach you the most effective ways to get through to them. They might be different than you think.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
Quote of the Day: "Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince, 1943
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: Last night, when Brandon wanted to go to sleep in our room, I plainly told him, "No. That's not what big boys do." He looked right at me and said, "Dad, that just sounds like you’re trying to embarrass me, and it doesn’t make me feel good.” Ouch. He was exactly right. I thought that my reasoning would help him feel more confident when in reality it made him feel less so. All he really wanted was someone to listen to his fears.
Whenever we think of our kids as creatures to be tamed and trained, we slip into technique-mode. We try to use whatever manipulation we can think of to get them to do…whatever. But then we miss out on the truest joy, and truest purpose of parenting. It’s when we approach our kids as separate human beings—capable of decisions, thoughts, and yes, instructions—that we get to experience a true relationship with them. And that means, sometimes, we get to learn from them. Let your kids teach you the most effective ways to get through to them. They might be different than you think.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.