Bullying in schools

[Chocko]

I have read so many different posts on our message board and on other message boards, where children come home and complain about a bullying incident, the teacher is told, the bully is reprimanded, yet the bullying continues...

What should the next step be? How can we educate parents to do the best thing in dealing with bullying?

[TnKsMom]

I think the next step should be a step that should be taken long before what most people consider bullying.
I think teachers and parents should pay attention to and do more when it comes to "playground teasing" and similar "kids will be kids" type things.

[KIDPOWER]

I agree with both of you. Adults need to see that unkind teasing is hurtful and that we need to treat emotionally destructive behavior with the same level of firmness that we would stop children from picking up chairs or blocks or books and throwing them through the windows!

I think people need to educate themselves about what bullying is, decide that it is unacceptable, and then take active steps to prevent and stop it.

It might be natural for some kids to bite, but we stop them because we are clear that this is wrong. We need to become clear in our own minds that bullying is wrong too.

Here's an article from our website on Bullying Prevention - Eight Steps Adults Can Take.
http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/Bullying-Prevention-Actions.html

[Happybutt]

Our schools have an anti bullying policy and it is followed very strictly. Before my child started school I figured it was just the basic policy and it would not be followed through on. Once she started school I realized how great they are about it.

They don't just have this policy in effect and say don't do this, they actually work everyday on teaching kids how to treat others. They have classes every so often and then the occasional reminders and little skits and stuff. I think this is very important for this to work bc it teaches the kids why it is wrong and not to do it, it doesn't just say don't do this or you will be expelled.

Rissa got glasses this year and I was really worried about that but no one has ever said a word to her. They actually all love her glasses and want to try them on. She also has a friend who is over weight and my mom asked if the kids picked on her and I told her no, and that it is really surprising but these kids just don't do it.

I am sure there are some issues but not to the extremes I remember as a kid.

[KIDPOWER]

This is wonderful. So many schools just have the policies in WRITING, but not in ACTION!

[lilkelley]

To really have a great anti bullying program there must be a social skills curriculum taught campus wide. Students have to learn to speak up in a united front when they see bullying. They need to know that the bully feels insecure and powerless in his/her own life and tries to bolster his/her self image by making others feel weak. Teachers become discouraged when they are not backed up by thier administration on disciplinary issues. Everyone at the school must be alert and intervene the moment they see something beginning to occur. The locker rooms and hallways are number one places for bullying as there is not as much adult presence in these places all the time. I would recommend speaking to the teacher to see what steps have been taken, then let him/her know you will be calling the assistant principal (they are in charge of discipline) to discuss the issue, and then do so. You may have to go and sit in the office until you can speak to one. That way the phone call cannot be avoided! Teachers are doing their best in most situations to keep everyone doing what they need to do. I know many who are feeling very beat down by the system and from hearing so many people say that they aren't doing their jobs...

I have taught my daughter from day one the value of empathy. She realizes there is a lot more out there than just her. We talk about the kids at school and how to deal with different situations. She is graduating from Kindergarten this month. Last year we had to talk about friends don't say mean things about your clothes. There was one tom-girl in their class and two other girls would say mean things about the way she dressed. My kid was wanting to wear dresses everyday (NOT normal) so that ms. thing would think she was dressed pretty. I explained that people who care about you don't judge your clothes. They should care about how you treat others. I have taught my girl that no matter how pretty you are on the outside if you are ugly on the inside that is what shows. She has actually told kids that "friends don't say that to friends," and then walked away. She has told them that she is friends with everyone and that she doesn't care what people wear. Because of all of our discussions she tends to be a very congenial little girl. She also knows if I find out she is not on her best behavior at school or in public there will be hard and fast consequences. She also knows that I love her with all of my heart.

How do you prevent bullying, or at least raise awareness? Love and discipline in your home. Talk about it with your children. Encourage your school to invest in social skills curriculum. I love Second Step- a Violence Prevention Method the most. It works from K to 8th and is really good. There is all kinds out there though.

I'm stepping off of my soap box now!

[lilkelley]

oops, I meant locker rooms and RESTROOMS!

[KIDPOWER]

I completely agree bullying is best prevented when EVERYONE in a school community - or a family for that matter -- has learned and agreed to uphold a common set of values, to follow specific rules,and to use good social skills. Overcoming a school's overwhelm to achieve this result can indeed take persistence. Here's an article about how to deal with bullying in schools:
http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/bullying-solutions-parents.htmlhttp://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/bullying-solutions-parents.html

I love lilkelly's daughter saying, "Friends don't say that to friends." And, that she is friends with everyone and doesn't care what people wear. These are wonderful messages for a child to believe and know how to say.

The reality is that too many environments are far from ideal and that children can still learn skills to protect themselves from bullying most of the time. Here's an article about skills children can use right away to stop bullying with confidence:
http://www.kidpower.org/ARTICLES/Bullying-Prevention-Practices.html

[TnKsMom]

What I find amazing about parents is that those who don't have a child who is bullied/picked on or even just "not always included" are the ones who will always say "kids pick on each other" or "I was picked on when I was that age". I will admit that I had those types of thoughts before my girls went to school - the whole Columbine thing? I rolled my eyes when the "teasing" excuse was mentioned.
But now that I have a child who was/is bullied and left out and is far from popular... I understand. I see the tears and the bad moods when she comes home from school.

I've also heard parents say that their child said nobody is picked on in their school or something similar... but if you are a popular kid and you aren't being picked on then maybe you don't know what being picked on really is?

I guess I sorta went off randomly there, but this subject I hold very close to my heart. We deal with it every.single.day.