Hoppy
05-15-2008, 08:02 AM
From www.screamfree.com
Quote of the Day: "The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent."
— Mel Lazerus, US artist (1927 - )
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: It is for this very reason that Jenny and I have always enlisted the help of neighbors, friends and family to teach our kids different things at different times. It is very natural for children, especially adolescents and teens, to push back against their parents. They are working very hard to differentiate themselves from you. They are not mature enough to realize that you can be close to someone and still hold different values and opinions from them. Heck, we’re usually not mature enough to realize this either – that’s why we tend to take it personally when our kids reject our opinions and advice.
Avoid the temptation to check out and throw your hands up. Have a sense of humor and keep plugging away. They’ll remember you being there and loving them through all of the hormones in the face of their scorn more than they’ll remember your advice in the first place. So, teach them, talk to them, be with them – and don’t be offended when someone else who you trust can really get through to them. Be a big enough person to seek our and then accept help – it doesn’t diminish the influence you have on your kids; in fact, that kind of maturity will actually increase it.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
Quote of the Day: "The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent."
— Mel Lazerus, US artist (1927 - )
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: It is for this very reason that Jenny and I have always enlisted the help of neighbors, friends and family to teach our kids different things at different times. It is very natural for children, especially adolescents and teens, to push back against their parents. They are working very hard to differentiate themselves from you. They are not mature enough to realize that you can be close to someone and still hold different values and opinions from them. Heck, we’re usually not mature enough to realize this either – that’s why we tend to take it personally when our kids reject our opinions and advice.
Avoid the temptation to check out and throw your hands up. Have a sense of humor and keep plugging away. They’ll remember you being there and loving them through all of the hormones in the face of their scorn more than they’ll remember your advice in the first place. So, teach them, talk to them, be with them – and don’t be offended when someone else who you trust can really get through to them. Be a big enough person to seek our and then accept help – it doesn’t diminish the influence you have on your kids; in fact, that kind of maturity will actually increase it.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.