Body Image

[KIDPOWER]

Here's something you can practice for yourself and teach to the important people in your life.

In our middle school, teen and adult workshops – and any workshops with people with disabilities, I often discuss body image when practicing throwing away mean things we say to ourselves in the following way:

Suppose we were to ask a group of five-year-olds, “How many of you wish you looked different?” Most of them would look at us as if we were NUTS. Do you know how five-year-olds look at themselves in the mirror?

(I draw a big mirror in the air in front of me with my hands and pretend to be a five-year old staring at herself joyfully in the mirror and act things out as I say them.) Why it’s ME! My tummy is BIG! (I stick out my stomach and pat it.) I have a SPOT on my nose! (I point to my nose.) WOW, HOW COOL!

(Then I turn back to the group with a smile.) That’s what most five-year-olds do. But by the time these same kids get to age ten, if we ask them whether they ever wished they looked different, MOST of them will raise their hands. Isn’t that SAD? Now, WHO are they learning this from?

(Students will guess, “Magazines ...Movies.. Their parents..” - which I agree with and then go on to make my point.)

Young children are learning to feel bad instead of good about how they look from all of US! Every time we complain about our looks or are negative about the looks of someone else, we are sending a message. I believe that even when we THINK to ourselves that we wish we looked different, it is helping to create a world where people feel bad instead of good about how they look. In nature, we don’t say that one snowflake is prettier or uglier than another snowflake. When we look at mountains or rocks or trees, it is not the ones that look the most the SAME that we think are the most beautiful, but the ones that look the most DIFFERENT. We can learn to see people that way too.

If you never tell yourself that you wish you looked different, that’s great, but I’ll bet you know someone who does and you can teach this to them. For the sake of today’s five-year-olds, and for all of our sakes, and for your own sake, I want you to all catch the words, “I wish I looked different.” (We all catch the words with our hand.)

I want you to throw them away. (We all put our other hand on our hip to make a KIDPOWER Trash Can and throw away the words, “I wish I looked different.”)

Now, I want you to say, “I have my own way of looking GOOD!” (We all put our hand on our heart and say this together.)

There might be things you decide to change about yourself and that’s fine, but remember, you do NOT have to be perfect to be GREAT!

[Dream]

:love: :clap: :cry: That was extremely inspirational.

[cara7166]

Great article Irene, and so true.

[MIZ]

Great article. Thank you for sharing it with us.:twirl:

[Chocko]

That was a wonderful article Irene, I am so grateful that you shared it with us:heart:

[3babesandadad]

tis easier said than believed

[KIDPOWER]

It is true, as 3babesandadad says, that sometimes "tis easier said than believed" when it comes to deciding to feel good about our looks. As children, we often don't have a lot of choice about what our beliefs are going to be and how they are shaped because most of our experiences are in the control of the adults who are running our lives. As children, our adults can help us to choose positive beliefs, but we might find this hard to do on our own.

However, as adults, we can learn how to transform negative beliefs and develop positive beliefs that will make it more possible to live happier healthier lives. We cannot always choose the good or bad things that might happen to us, but we CAN choose how we are going to respond to those things and what meaning we are going to make of these things in our daily lives. There are techniques for examining all your beliefs and choosing which ones serve you well and which ones don't.

[charliechan]

This is something that I'm stuggling with right now with my 7 year old. She's bigger than her 8 year old sister and does have a belly on her. She always says she's "fat". I always tell her she's not fat she's just growing at a different rate than her sister. But she has encountered those people who tease her about her weight and I can see how much it hurts her. A few of the people that do it (her uncle), I have spoken to. But you can't protect them from the kids at school... :cry:

What do you suggest Irene??

[KIDPOWER]

Dear CharlieChan,

How sad that a seven-year-old has to deal with this!

First of all, make a list with your daughter of all the mean things other kids have said or that she says to herself about her weight. Have her practice throwing each of those mean comments into the trash and saying something good to herself. Tell her that she doesn't have to believe it at first - but that throwing hurtful words away and saying something positive does help. Tell her that studies have been done where people who felt sad would smile even when they didn't feel like smiling - and that just smiling helped them to feel better.

Next, have your daughter practice changing the subject calmly by you saying a hurtful comment so she can say calmly, "That's a hurtful thing to say. Please stop. Let's go do THIS. (pick something she would like to do at recess.)"

Have her practice what to do if another child repeats the comment by saying, "I said that's a hurtful thing to say. I don't want to hear it. " and walking away calmly.

Talk with the teacher and explain that you want the teacher to do two things - one is to teach the whole class without making ANY reference to your daughter that negative comments about looks are against her or his values and against the school rules. The teacher would even teach them about media awareness - how their picture of what looks good is shaped by movies and TV and book. The Media Awareness Network has wonderful free lessons for children of different ages including this one:
http://www.media-awareness.ca/english/resources/educational/lessons/elementary/body_image/prejudice_body_image.cfm

Ask the teacher to talk with your daughter privately and tell her this, "I understand that some kids have been teasing you about your weight. I am really sorry this happened to you, because I used to have kids tease me and it really hurt my feelings. I think you are beautiful just the way you are! If you ever feel sad about something that other kids say at school, please come and tell me so we can talk about it. Maybe I can give you a hug or help find some other way to help you feel better.

Having a positive affirming message come from a teacher can have tremendous power. If your daughter's teacher is not capable of saying this, you need to find a different teacher for her!

Finally, find things that your daughter loves to do that will help her to feel good about her body that involve activity rather than eating. Dancing. Walking. Riding bikes. Putting on toenail polish. Singing. Etc. etc.

Hope this helps,
Irene

[KIDPOWER]

One more thought: It is important to remember when talking with your daughter's
teacher, that teachers today are often overwhelmed and can feel
attacked when parents bring up problems that happen at school. Start
from a positive place and try not to blame the teacher or specific
children for what is happening. Instead, you can work together to help make
the school environment safer for your daughter.

[charliechan]

That's great advise!! Thank you so much!! :ita: