Scantily dressed teen girls

[KIDPOWER]

Good Morning,

I am curious what thoughts you might have about what to tell preteen and teen girls who want to dress in a way that celebrates their emerging sexuality, but that some men or teen boys will see as inviting sexual attention.

When girls or women face unwanted sexual attention, it is NEVER their fault. Anyone should have the right to walk down the street wearing whatever she wants without being sexually harassed or attacked.

However, sometimes a way of dressing can send a YES message that makes it much more likely that men will make comments or approach girls in a way that they don't want or that is unsafe.

What are YOUR rules about this? How, without making girls feel that being harassed or sexually assaulted should ever be blamed on the victim, do you explain to girls the implications of how they dress?

What do you say about this to the teen boys and men in your life about making comments about how girls dress or staring at them?

Thanks,
Irene

[3babesandadad]

I was raised in a house where bearing skin was not allowed.
Because of the WAY my father implemented the rule, caused me to have NO self esteem. It wasn't that others would see me and be a possible threat, it was "I would be a skank-ho if I dressed like that"
I want to be a proactive part of my daughter's choices, including her wardrobe choices. I do not want to allow her to wear "barely there" items, simply because of the harassment she could receive. Plus, I personally think it looks disgusting to see young women walking around half naked, because even to me it says "Look here and see what I've got" like a walking invitation. IMO if women did not want to be oogled, they shouldn't dress like that- period. What you wear says a lot about what you want people to think about you. That's the message I want to give to my daughter when the time comes- you are a beautiful young woman, you don't need to wear revealing clothing for people to see that.
And to my sons.... they also need to learn that it is not right for them to be led by flesh. I understand and realize that MOST young girls these days wear very scantily clad clothing- but I'd certainly like to teach them that just because a girl's attire screams "look at my body" doesn't mean it's right for him to do so. I HOPE to teach them that a woman's mind and opinions are much more important than the size of her breasts, butt, stomach, or hips.

[KIDPOWER]

Thank you, 3babesandadad!

You sound like a great mom. What a wonderful positive way of framing this for your daughter, "You are a beautiful young woman and you don't need to wear revealing clothing for people to see." And for your sons, " Just because a girl's attire screams 'look at my body' doesn't mean it is right from him to do so."

I also really like the statement, "What you wear says a lot about what you want people to think about you."

I think this is true. The problem is that that girls are often thinking about what they want their FRIENDS to think - and not being realistic about what others might think.

[Lady LaRue]

This was always a struggle at my house because my daughter was, well, CHESTY like her mother. Even if she were wearing something that would be flattering and modest on one girl, it looked very revealing and vulgar on my daughter. It was very difficult for her to feel stylish without looking slutty. I do feel clothing designers are to blame for the most part.

I always said the same things - people will unfortunately judge you by the way you dress - it may not be fair, but they will. Of course, my daughter is 22 and still doesn't listen to me about her clothes. :(

[MIZ]

My girls are so little, so fortunately it's not an issue YET. I remember thong bathing suits being popular in the early 90s and a woman on the beach next to me commented "And then they wonder why they are raped." I didn't know this woman, but I told her then that rape is an act of VIOLENCE and that I don't care if someone is naked, it still doesn't give someone the right to be violent with another person. Made for an uncomfortable day on the beach next to them, but I remember being so annoyed with the social stigma that women couldn't wear whatever they wanted without getting that kind of attention/attitude.

As for my daughters, well I will do my best to keep them dressed properly. Words on the butt bother me, because it screams LOOK AT ME, but it's on EVERYTHING these days. DD1 just got Hannah Montana PJs with words on the butt (as a bday gift). I guess you have to choose your battles.

And I am another one with a bigger chest that can't wear cute styles without looking busty in them. I started getting tanks and shells to put under stuff, but damn, sometimes that is hot to be double layered in the summer.

[mokemom]

ohh yeah, this is a difficult one. Growing up I couldn't leave the house without doing "the check"
I had to raise my hands over my head and if my belly showed I wasn't going anywhere, then I had to put my arms straight down my sides, if my shorts were shorter than my hands then I had to change. It is not a problem with my 1 year old yet, lol
but it will be soon, I have a large bust and she already has a big ol butt!

[randyb]

Having a 6 y.o. I am not running into this problem yet. I'm thining a burkha.....:hmm: I kid. I feel that dress is only part of the issue and the company kids keep and where they are is even more important. As well as teaching my kids basic 'survival' skills. Any of you read Gavin De Beckers books Protecting the Gift and The Gift of Fear? I do not agree with him on a couple of points, but they are required reading for my kids when they grow up.

[KIDPOWER]

I agree that Gavin deBecker is a great resource, even it's normal to have different points of view on several points.

Of course, I DO agree 100% with what he says about KIDPOWER!
http://www.kidpower.org/ABOUT-US/Endorsements.html

[randyb]

http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r116/crandyb/100_8978.jpghttp://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r116/crandyb/IMG_8478.jpg
Here is the shirt I'll be wearing for all my girls dates.......

[Happybutt]

I agree with 3 babes. I also think you should set an example and I think that you can never start to early. My kids are young but that doesn't mean I can't start teaching them now. There are certain items that aren't acceptable and I will tell them why.

I don't get parents who think it is cute to call their kids sexy or dress them sexy.

Yesterday at cheerleading practice (kindy-2nd grade) the coach was trying to think of a new cheer. One little girl suggested the firecracker cheer.

basically it says something about the football players have the muscle, the teachers got the brains and the cheerleaders with the sexy legs ...

and then this child, who is like 7, bent over and ran her hands up and down her legs pointing out how sexy she is:faint:

Now last year I would have said something right away but I am learning as I go:lol: I waited and watched to coach and she told the child no. The child whined through the whole practice wanting to do that cheer and her mother had no issue with it.

The kid had to learn that cheer somewhere. Later in the game she was singing the applebottom jean song, which was playing on another moms cell phone. Why not just let these kids be kids.

[3babesandadad]

I don't know the applebottom jean song...
but i'll tell ya, i agree with you that that cheer is absolutely inappropriate.

[3babesandadad]

randy... does that say "Dads against Daughters Dating?" I can't read the last word.