Hoppy
08-23-2008, 01:21 PM
From www.screamfree.com
Quote of the Day: "A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it is a whisper."
— Barry Neil Kaufman, Bestselling author of Happiness is a Choice
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: I would say - especially if it is a whisper. There’s something calming and authoritative about quietness that modern society doesn’t know how to cultivate. We get anxious and feel like we have to compete for airwaves with so many other voices that our kids hear on a daily basis. But when we throw our weight around by yelling and snapping at our kids in order to get them to comply, we’re not really getting through to them. What we’re really doing is venting our own frustrations. They can tell that we are not in control and it just makes us seem like a blustery wind they have to simply ride out until we blow over. It takes real discipline and genuine self control to get to a place where you can whisper to your child – not through gritted teeth, but through calm, cool confidence.
When you find yourself on the verge of “losing it” with your child because they seem to be ignoring you or even intentionally frustrating you, take a nice, long, deep breath and remember that you are the adult in this situation. Walk up close to them and tell them very, very quietly that they have a choice. Lay out their choice in the situation and give them the possible consequences of those choices. Then walk away. Usually, you’ll find that a few words spoken softly with compassion and conviction will take you a whole lot further than any amount of yelling ever could. That’s because when you wear your authority well, it cuts through all of the other noise your kids hear and speaks volumes for you.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
Quote of the Day: "A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it is a whisper."
— Barry Neil Kaufman, Bestselling author of Happiness is a Choice
http://www.screamfree.com/resources/partners/template/images/hal_runkel.jpg Hal's Take: I would say - especially if it is a whisper. There’s something calming and authoritative about quietness that modern society doesn’t know how to cultivate. We get anxious and feel like we have to compete for airwaves with so many other voices that our kids hear on a daily basis. But when we throw our weight around by yelling and snapping at our kids in order to get them to comply, we’re not really getting through to them. What we’re really doing is venting our own frustrations. They can tell that we are not in control and it just makes us seem like a blustery wind they have to simply ride out until we blow over. It takes real discipline and genuine self control to get to a place where you can whisper to your child – not through gritted teeth, but through calm, cool confidence.
When you find yourself on the verge of “losing it” with your child because they seem to be ignoring you or even intentionally frustrating you, take a nice, long, deep breath and remember that you are the adult in this situation. Walk up close to them and tell them very, very quietly that they have a choice. Lay out their choice in the situation and give them the possible consequences of those choices. Then walk away. Usually, you’ll find that a few words spoken softly with compassion and conviction will take you a whole lot further than any amount of yelling ever could. That’s because when you wear your authority well, it cuts through all of the other noise your kids hear and speaks volumes for you.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:
Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.